Red Deer Firefighters Association, Local 1190

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Red Tide Exists in Alaska

As suspected all members who ate the fish are ill this morning, as are others who had no fish at all.  This could only mean one thing. It’s contagious.  Now on to the hockey.

By way of miracle, the Anchorage Killers beat Saskatoon Flatlanders this a.m. thereby setting up the Red Deer Dirty Dozen to play Saskatoon, for our well deserved run at the bronze medal.  The teams busted out onto the ice with the fury and anticipation of a Stanley cup final.  The Dirty Dozen screemed like rallied troops, with dreams of a victory close at hand.  Almost everyone participated in the warmup.  It was a carnival like atmosphere at the onset of the game, although the fan was silent, his energy was unmistakeable.  At the outset  Stelmaschuk showed up pretty  much unconscious.  He quickly came around with smelling salts and cold water.   Braving the ill effects of the Red Tide and hampered by a lack of physical size, he again gave us his all.  At the first puck drop he came up big with a huge save, breaking up the Saskatoon dump and chase.  The bench roared with delight at the spectacle, and Hugh Ryan awoke on the bench, even if just for a brief moment.  As the game grinded on, the Flatlanders persevered and  slowly and skillfully picked away at the Red Deer defence who were often absent from their posts, or unaware the puck had dropped.  The flatlanders opened up the scoring at the 15 minute mark, putting one past the ever vigilant snow man maker Stelmaschuk.  From there the game deteriorated along the same miserable path of Red Deer’s previous contests.  The flatlanders went on to put a total of 5 past Stelmaschuk with only one goal being answered, and what a beauty it was.  Hollman, who has been remarkable in the tournament, skilfully outmanoeuvred the entire Saskatoon team twice, then out of mercy for a low productivity player, fed one dead into the slot and onto the stick of Tyson Cave who had no chance at making a mistake.  Cave’s reaction was that of a child on Christmas morning, riding the Klassen bicycle and raising the flagpole.  The team spirit of the squad was evident as no one had the heart to tell him that his grandmother could have scored the open net goal with a croquet mallet.    

 The tournament mvp went to James P. Lyman, in part for his goal against The anchorage killers, and, for no other apparent reason.  With that, Jimbo Slice imparted the burns sausage brutal and useless player of the game to Steve Kozelenko.  This time it was not a result of tie, but for good reason. 

 The final tournament tally is as follows\

 Game 1- loss

Game 2- oh yeah we lost                                                     

Game 3- man did we get hammered on

Game 4- forfeit  (red tide)

Game 5- loss

 The players

 Stelmaschuk in goal-  “Je Suis Petite”  the mini cardboard cut out of Baumbach ended up deserving more credit for his performance than the win/loss record err, loss record showed.  Although his goals against average and save percentage seemed astronomical, on closer inspection we found otherwise.  Kent Baumbach in his tenure with the Anchorage Aces of the ECHL posted a 4.85 GAA and a .842 save percentage.  Stelmaschuk, now in Alaska, put up a 4.84 GAA and a .845 save percentage.  Also keep in mind that Stelmaschuk had starts in all games battling Red Tide, with Baumbach minding the gate in all but a handful of contests.

 James P. Lyman on the forward and defence.  The utility player that never stopped skating no matter how hard the grind, and never stopped scoring no matter their net or ours.

 Adam Erickson on defence.  Steady on the line, picking up the slack for Kozelenko, who appeared to still be suffering the effects of the open, compound, spiral fracture of the femur, tibia, fibula, tarsals, and metatarsals with gangrene in Victoria last season.

 Steve Kozelenko on defence.  Occupied alot of space and suffered a near career ending partial amputation of the hand with gangrene.  In an interview Kozelenko, he stated that the injury last season hampered his performance.  “The artificial knee took some getting used to, but the rods and pins as well as the flesh damage from the gangrene cause me to use my stick as a paddle on the ice and i require a wheel chair off the ice”.  God speed on the long road to recovery.

  Kevin Rudolph on forward.  Brought up from the minors and who hails from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan was the pillar of stability for the Red Deer squad.  He showed up and lived up to his abilities.  He was however a healthy scratch for the third game as he lost his beloved dog, Stain.  As a testament to his caring spirit he scoured the streets and pubs calling him till the early hours.  Best wishes.

Tyson Cave on forward.  Tyson is a real asset to the squad and, in an interview with his mother she described him as “special”. Cave,  known for his dislike of all people, places and things as well as his fascination with prosthetic limbs, channels this negative  emotion onto the ice.    Some say he is so dedicated to the game that he wears his helmet day and night.  This rumour has since been dispelled as it was discovered that it was a habit brought forward from childhood. Cave dazzled the ice and the opposition as is speed is very deceptive, he is much slower than he appears.  Tyson had a career high this tournament when he got credited with a goal.  Although the goal was scored by the opposing team it was awarded to Cave as he was the closest Red Deer player.  Be that as it may, that’s not how it will read in the year book.

Paul Wittig’s nephew on forward.  Again cannot be named as he appears to be under aged.  He was very engaged and is known for his gut and determination.  The culmination of his hard work still left much to be desired and he will undoubtedly be a roster maybe in next year’s Red Deer line up.

 Scott Hollman on forward.    Gut determination saw Hollman make it through to the final game.  Prior to the tournament he caught a cold while starting his car in last week’s rain storm, rumour has it, it may have settled into his kidneys.  In the second period against Victoria his implanted defibrillator discharged twice, causing a stoppage  of the game and  the team to fanning  out looking for an AED.  Was he unable to play on, the good players would most certainly have been unable to have a rest.

 Tyler Hirsche on forward.  Hirsche who possesses a fowl temper, kept it cool in the tournament, managing to steer away from the penalty box.  He used his haunches both to lead the Red Deer forecheck and for entertainment in the dressing room. 

 Glen Carritt on forward.  Called up from the Provost Pipeliners, Carritt played with heart, grit, and determination.  Despite a strong showing,  in an interview, veteran defenceman Adam Erickson declared he has never been more disappointed in a man, ever.

Cory Bouchard on forward.  Hit hard by the Red Tide, Bouchard forged ahead leading the scoring race for the squad with a measely 3.  As with others, he also may be in jeopardy come next season.

 Hugh Ryan on defence.  This hard hitting defenceman traded to Red Deer from the Camsack Cougars, bore the brunt of defensive responsibility for the squad.  Hardest hit by the Red Tide, He persevered to avoid being a scratch. 

 After the disappointing showing, team manager Kevin Stelmaschuk was recorded as saying he may have no choice but to relocate the team to Florida.  On a final note, he avoided trade rumours involving Jeff Berreth, Chicoutimi , and a bag of pucks.  The only comment he made on the subject is that Berreth has not been particularly missed on the bench.  Baumbach has also been placed on wavers and is reportedly seeking employment at the Chrysler plant.

 Trying to capture the spirit of the thing,

 holsey


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